This is a prime example of the lunacy future historians and generations are going to look back and see.
It wasn’t a spoof, but a real official press briefing held by New York’s Nassau County health officials just days ago. It was all about proper handling of balls to stay safe amid coronavirus.
Yes, we’re now to the point that bureaucrats have to treat us to infantile lectures on how to handle others’ balls. As if Tennis wasn’t already among the most ‘social distancing safe’ sports in the world, given the nature of how far apart players stand on the court — at least we think it was about tennis balls anyway, but aren’t quite sure.
Proof the virus is winning pic.twitter.com/jJEjx5FwGd
— Quoth the Raven (@QTRResearch) May 17, 2020
“You can kick their balls, but you can’t touch them,” Nassau County Executive Laura Curran announced with a serious urgency.
Indeed, an apt description of the insane times in which we live, where government officials full of inflated self-importance have to break down how we handle each others’ balls.
“To avoid confusion between whose balls are whose you can use a marker like a sharpie to put an ‘X’… to put someone’s initials on them,” she added.
So to review: “if you’re playing tennis against someone who lives in the same house as you, treat their balls like your own… But if you’re playing against someone who lives elsewhere or you’re on a court next to other people not living with you, remember these tips”:
- Kick their balls
- To avoid confusion, mark your balls with an “X” or write your name on your balls.
- IMPORTANTLY!: Don’t touch their balls with your hands.
Welcome to the year 2020 in America.